Monday, July 20, 2009


Does anyone else have social anxiety? Mine pops up when I’m in situations with a group of people I’m not familiar with.

Tonight we were invited over to my bosses house to watch the neighborhood fireworks. He didn’t tell me there would be a group of people. In the past there were only a few couples.

When we got there I counted about five couples or more, and all were his neighbors. No one that my husband and I knew personally only acquaintances.

I felt uncomfortable right away. I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t outgoing and talkative. I was very quiet and reserved and I hate it when I feel like this. Phil didn’t notice my discomfort. He can sit and talk with anyone. I envy that. I know it’s not up to him to fix me.

After an hour I asked if we could leave. I made my excuses to Sandy and scooted out the door. I didn’t even say goodbye to Randy. I just wanted to get away.

Phil said that I should probably talk to a therapist to find out why I feel like this since it’s not all the time. My stomach goes into knots where I almost feel I could throw up. I know it's insecurity. I was extremely shy growing up. Really, at 47 I thought I had outgrown this. Guess not.

I am also very anxious about the PET scan results. Worried about what may be in store come Wednesday's visit with Dr. Moser. I keep thinking "what if" my cancer is back? "What if" I have to start chemo again? Phil says no news is good news. Still I worry and am trying to keep up a positive outlook.

I don't want to go through that again. It was difficult enough the first time. Unless you've gone through it yourself you can't possibly understand what I'm saying.


Daria said...

I hope your PET scan is great.

Just try and tell yourself that no matter what the outcome ... you will be O.K. because you will be O.K.

Tina said...

Daria is right--you WILL be ok, no matter what! You are a srong woman. Isn't there a Bible verse about not borrowing trouble? Ask for peace; I will be praying for you!!