Does anyone else have social anxiety? Mine pops up when I’m in situations with a group of people I’m not familiar with.
Tonight we were invited over to my bosses house to watch the neighborhood fireworks. He didn’t tell me there would be a group of people. In the past there were only a few couples.
When we got there I counted about five couples or more, and all were his neighbors. No one that my husband and I knew personally only acquaintances.
I felt uncomfortable right away. I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t outgoing and talkative. I was very quiet and reserved and I hate it when I feel like this. Phil didn’t notice my discomfort. He can sit and talk with anyone. I envy that. I know it’s not up to him to fix me.
After an hour I asked if we could leave. I made my excuses to Sandy and scooted out the door. I didn’t even say goodbye to Randy. I just wanted to get away.
Phil said that I should probably talk to a therapist to find out why I feel like this since it’s not all the time. My stomach goes into knots where I almost feel I could throw up. I know it's insecurity. I was extremely shy growing up. Really, at 47 I thought I had outgrown this. Guess not.
I am also very anxious about the PET scan results. Worried about what may be in store come Wednesday's visit with Dr. Moser. I keep thinking "what if" my cancer is back? "What if" I have to start chemo again? Phil says no news is good news. Still I worry and am trying to keep up a positive outlook.
I don't want to go through that again. It was difficult enough the first time. Unless you've gone through it yourself you can't possibly understand what I'm saying.